The setting: Barnberg, a big city in south central Kansas. Let’s meet the inhabitants!
Rorik the Awesome is a “draugr,” a zombie-like creature from Norse folklore that also served as the inspiration
for J.R.R. Tolkein’s “barrow-wights.” Rorik, however, is very much alive. He was born in Iceland in the year 969. He kicked ass and gayed it up across Scandinavia and parts of Ireland for almost
thirty years before perishing in battle. Roughly 1,000 years later, Rorik
regenerated and crawled out of his own burial mound. Rorik can now recover from any injury with a short stint underground, making him
effectively immortal. He has a high tolerance for cold temperatures, due to the fact he is a complete
bad-ass. The soil is leeching all pigment from his body, making him incapable of tanning.
He still has the cloak, clasp, and helmet in which he was buried. Rorik is an Odinist, having (first) passed away shortly before his country
officially adopted Christianity and banned pagan worship. (He still expects to get Christmas presents, though.) Rorik is a skilled harpist, singer, bowhunter, and cook. His other hobbies include opera, classical music, fine wines, and comic books. As a full-time job, he works on a garbage truck. On his days off, he is a scantily-clad “busker,” or street musician.
Dill Vandergrift was born in the tiny Kansas town of “Groundwater” in 1969. He is very comfortable in his own skin, and equally as comfortable in a Pucci
scarf or a reproduction of one of Aretha Franklin’s hats. He is a free spirit, an aesthete, a dandy, and a show-off. His equipment for a
hunting trip once included a top hat, opera glasses and a Japanese fan. His relationship with Rorik constitutes the first time he’s been the sensible half in a relationship. Before he met Rorik, Dill was either a participant in or a witness to a
mysterious “incident” that involved several people in powerful positions in his town, including
highway patrolmen and judges. He has used his knowledge of “the incident” to his advantage on multiple occasions -- mostly to keep Rorik out of jail. Dill is a master tailor and costume designer, specializing in drag apparel. His second language is Dutch, which is how he initially communicated with Rorik
-- Dutch has similarities to the popular (and dead) Viking language, “Old Norse.” He has a twin sister named Cinnamon. His first name is a reference to the Truman Capote character in “To Kill a Mockingbird.”
Francisco “Paco” Flores (first appearance: 11/30/09) works with Rorik on his trash pick-up route. He is a sweet, shy young bear who has just started dating, after years of
internet hook-ups. He recently had a “friends with benefits” arrangement with Rex. Paco’s sister is a beautician who occasionally performs experiments on his hair and
beard, accentuating Paco’s skate punk style. Paco has been stalked for months by the completely harmless and inept Sticky. This situation has dragged on for so long that Paco’s annoyance has softened into resignation and boredom. Paco’s last name is a tip of the hat to Puerto Rican drag artist Jorge “Nina Flowers” Flores, who appeared on season one of “Rupaul’s Drag Race.” She’s fabulous!
Stilton “Sticky” Nickerson (first appearance: 9/15/08) is a professional drag artist and an amateur bear chaser. His alter ego is a mod lass in the style of waif-like supermodels Twiggy and
Jean Shrimpton. This conveniently excuses him from having to wear padding. He is “so over” padding, and everything else. Everything else, except for Paco. Sticky has an intense crush on the hunky young
sanitation worker and is basically stalking the poor lad. Sticky still hasn’t forgiven Rorik for mistakenly sucker-punching him in the face years ago. For a long time, Sticky suffered from sinus infections that caused his nose to
swell to bulbous proportions, but he’s all better now.
Kagami Hino (first appearance: 11/17/08) is so upbeat, she makes Pollyanna look like Dorothy Parker. She’s a type of Japanese ogre called a “hannya.” Like Rorik, Kagami plays a harp. However, hers is the full-size harp used by orchestras. Kagami and Rorik often collaborate on musical projects, such as an opera about
Kagami’s dog. Kagami writes an extremely unhelpful advice column for a local free weekly
paper, and dabbles in slash/fic: sexy stories pairing up various celebrities or
fictional characters. She briefly dated Dill’s twin sister. Kagami works as an appliance salesperson for a large retail chain. Her first name means “mirror.”
Tyrone “Rex” Suarez (first appearance: 10/20/08) was a hot-tempered, hellraising cub in his youth, but has matured into a
mellow, ball-bellied daddy bear. Sometimes he’s too mellow: he will put up with anything, just to be able to say he has a
boyfriend. Former beaus include liars, thieves, and an alcoholic who crashed his car into
Rex’s home... which is when they started dating! Rex was born with very thick, muscular legs and extremely short,
underdeveloped (yet still functional) arms. In a moment of drunken weakness, Rex slept with an elaborately disguised DeLugg.
Rex recently enjoyed a “friends with benefits” arrangement with Paco.
Shelley DeLugg (first appearance: 3/2/09) has been described by Dill as “a gay King Kong.” This Herculean hayseed was raised to be modest, reverent, and painstakingly
polite, and to never, ever curse. He is also slutty beyond belief. Accurately described by Alexandru as a “pushy bottom extraordinaire,” DeLugg will happily resort to trickery if it will help him snare a sex partner.
DeLugg’s carnal adventures include giving a total stranger a handjob on a
rollercoaster, and receiving a fisting from a leprechaun. His religious fanatic mother often insists on personally exorcising the “gay” out of him. She’s had no luck so far, mainly because
gay people are not possessed.
Alexandru Gheorghiu (first appearance: 10/13/08) is a 100% folklore-styled “revenant” from Romania. Although they served as the inspiration for Bram Stoker’s Dracula, revenants never physically emerge from their coffins. Instead, they
send theirs ghosts out into the world, and all the blood they drink gets
teleported to their fat, lazy corpses. Alexandru has never killed anybody. Instead, he takes a little bit of blood from dudes who are into vampires. It’s less blood than they would lose in a legitimate blood donation, and they still
get a cookie and a cup of juice afterwards. Alexandru has the power to curse people and to turn invisible, but he’s not very good at either of those things. His ideal date is a closet case who can be talked into thinking Alexandru has
hypnotized him into acting gay. Alexandru’s spirit resembles a muscle mary, but his actual body is morbidly obese. He is a mooch and a pathological liar. He has been secretly hoarding Rorik’s unwashed boxer shorts. Dill can’t stomach Alexandru, but Rorik thinks he is an irrepressible scamp. Alexandru likes to think of himself as “pure evil” but the proper adjective would be “pathetic.” He once comported himself as a criminal mastermind after re-gifting a tin of
butter cookies. His last name is my tribute to Romanian opera diva Angela Gheorghiu.
Minor Characters:
Cinnamon Vandergrift (first appearance: 11/17/08) is Dill’s twin sister. She briefly dated Kagami. She frequents a working-class lesbian bar and seems more down-to-earth than her
brother. She is both bemused and bewildered by Dill’s scheming.
Luis (first appearance: 6/29/09) owns a large, upscale bear bar that features live entertainment. He hired Rorik to perform there but had to fire him when he acceded to the crowd’s demands that he strip.
Crossbones Mizzenmast and Gangplank (first appearance: 7/6/09) are a pirate zombie stand-up comic and his mumbling, eyepatched twink of a
manservant. All that is left of Crossbones’ body is his head. Crossbones is not funny in the least, so of course he is a frequent guest on
morning radio shows.
Felix Cadbury (first appearance: 9/1/09) is the experienced daddy bear every other bear wants to sleep with. His dating schedule is always booked out several months in advance. After a debilitating, nose-busting motorcycle crash, Cadbury gained a lot of
weight, rendering him even more attractive to the bear community. A brain
injury has left him prone to forgetfulness and non sequiturs.
Magnus (first appearance: 10/26/09) is a persnickety comic book fan who enjoys pointing out errors and inconsistencies.
Cookie (first appearance: 12/28/09) is a lesbian banshee who communicates through shrill, unintelligible
screaming.
Kasimir (first appearance: 1/25/10) is a Slavic evil spirit known as an “ovinnik.” He looks a lot like a large black cat. He works for the same sanitation company as Rorik and Paco, and is a real creep.
Kasimir is responsible for Cadbury’s horrific motorcycle accident, since Cadbury was swerving to avoid hitting him.
Terry (first appearance: 2/8/10) is another of Rorik’s and Paco’s coworkers, and is kind of a dickweed. Before Rorik taught Paco how to be
intimidating, Terry would often bully Paco into loaning him money.
Mr. Ghosh (first appearance: 8/23/10) is a prosperous Sikh gentleman and the vice-president of the company where
Rorik and Paco work. The sheer magnificence of Mr. Ghosh’s luxurious, waist-length beard humbled Rorik into trimming his own chest-length
whiskers down to a more conservative size.
Osmunda Haines (first appearance: 9/20/10) is an ancient film starlet who took great care of her legs, at the expense of
every other part of her body. Dill is her number-one fan.
Fuyo (first appearance:12/6/10) is a snow ghost like the ones in Japanese folklore. She has “ice breath” and limited control over weather. Although she lacks any redeeming qualities, Kagami dated her for several months.
Fuyo once cursed Rorik by placing a tiny snow cloud over his head. Her name means “peony.”
“Rowdy Joe” Rasputin (first appearance: 5/30/11) is an ex-boyfriend of Dill’s. He’s a redneck shaman who can interact with ghosts even when they can’t be seen, heard, or touched by normal human beings. He exorcises ghosts and evil spirits by beating the everloving crap out of them.
He has unofficially adopted an “utburd” (a Scandinavian baby ghost) named Penny Dreadful. Penny never liked Dill.
Vernon Joong (first appearance: 7/25/11) is a useless layabout, so naturally Rex started dating him and invited him
into his home. Vernon has a dream: he wants to invent and popularize slang words, print them on
t-shirts, and become a millionaire. This is never going to happen.
